Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Maxifort and Feist is still like catnip for girls

I recently started re-reading this entire blog- from start to finish. I was highly entertained at the beginning. I came to the realization that I used to be really interesting when I was about 21. I was on great adventures abroad, meeting all sorts of bizarre and/or incredible people, doing things that were risky and dangerous and that terrified me and constantly pushing the boundaries of my own comfort zone and forcing myself to do things that seemed impossible. Oh wait a minute that was somebody else I'm thinking of. I can't remember if I was anything like that. I do know that I only ever wore skirts; I went to Russia so I could keep wearing my scarves throughout the winter, and I had a huge collection of earrings. I drank beer and just remember being really, really interesting and deep, despite the fact that I only ever thought about skirts, scarves and earrings.

Then something happened, it’s a long story. I’ll provide highlights.

1. I moved to Calgary, also known as the heart of the New West. I work for ‘the man’ – the fat man in fact, in a building full of asbestos. It has jail cells in the basement because it used to be a courthouse. I have a cubicle that is way to big for somebody of my intern status and I put all the good fortunes I get from fortune cookies on my wall. Apparently next summer I will dance to a different beat, and people in my surroundings will be more cooperative than usual.


2. I live with my grandpa’s little sister. She is awesome.

She tells her friends that she got Amy instead of getting a dog. To be fair, I am loyal, I love chasing balls around and I am pretty damn cute.

She’s got 57 years on me, but we seem to have a lot in common. We both love V8, avocados, being cynical even though we pretend not to be, and CBC Radio 1. We both agree that Ralph Klein, despite his charisma, is still a moron. We talk about love, losing love and what it’s like to be a woman in the workplace in 1940 vs. 2009. She tells me about living in London right after WW2 ended, walking to work through Central Park when she lived in the Upper West Side, riding on uncomfortable canoes in the Philippines, and how much New York has changed since she lived there in the ‘50’s. She is smart, independent, and lets the cold hard truth come barreling out after 1 pint of beer.

She teaches me important things like how to prepare something for dinner other than crackers and olives, how to water plants, how different knives are to be used for different things. She’s also teaching me how to be more selfish,
what a grandparent's role should be in a family, how to plan for the future, and how not to not give a hoot what anybody thinks. She tells me all of these things put together are called “being and Adult.” It’s pretty fun.

3. My cats are no longer with me. They are with a skinny, hyper-articulate, moderately gnarled, well-intentioned music snob with a tendency to compensate for insecurities through intellectual arrogance [1]. I'm sure they are flourishing in their new environment, and I'm sure they think of me often, right in between thinking about how awesome laser pointers are and how funny it is to watch humans react after they smear their paws in some wet sticky food product and run around the apartment.

4. AMA is AMAzing. I recently invested in a Gold Membership and it has changed my life. Five minutes in that place and I safe, adventurous and responsible. Plus- Free maps! 5. I want to be Nancy Drew. She is outspoken, fearless, familiar with the power of suggestion and association, she’s a fine painter, speaks French, and frequently runs motor boats. She is a skilled driver, a sure shot, an excellent swimmer, a skillful oarsman, an expert seamstress, gourmet cook and a fine bridge player. She excels at tennis and golf, and rides like a cowboy. She solves mysteries in a blue convertible! She can administer first aid and dance! She is as cool as Mata Hari and as sweet as Betty Crocker. I think I should change my name to Nancy Drew and start looking for mysteries.

I have been learning a great deal since I realized that Feist was like catnip for girls. I learned you don’t need a prescription in Mexico, amazing people can be found where you least expect it, and nobody can bring me happiness or dream my dreams for me. I learned that things aren’t always what they seem, and that I can let go of control without losing control. Also, handkerchief is spelled with a ‘D’.

I take comfort in the fact that I've almost somehow come back to the 21yr. old adventuress who started this blog. I still do stupid things all the time and somehow it feels good to break the rules. I still love Balderdash, ridiculous puns and dancing till the sun comes up. The only difference is that now I pay taxes, I wear pants in addition to skirts, and I know that I could never be with somebody that sulked from Minneapolis to Winnipeg because I missed the turnoff for Chipotle Mexican Grill and couldn’t turn around on the interstate.




[1] Special thanks to Janelle Awesome, Information Officer at the Department of Awesome for helping me hyper-articulate this.